Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
