So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
