My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
