My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
