i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
