If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
