you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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