fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
