I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
