Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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