I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
