the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
