it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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