i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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