if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
