Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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