what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
