i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
