I have demons in me.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
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