Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
