and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
