Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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