He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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