Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
