Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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