I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
