Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
