Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
