You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
