i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
