saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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