Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
