The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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