just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
