it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
