his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
