Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
