and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
