One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
