she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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