i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Someone came in the potted fern
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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