my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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