it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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