Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
