I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
