Where is the hickey?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Sacagawea was the original milf.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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