I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
