Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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