Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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