Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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