Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
