So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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